Talane’s Blog of the Week, May 14, 2007

A Classic Tip from Talane . . .
On Being Present
Excerpted from bestselling book Coach Yourself to Success by Talane Miedaner

I was just speaking with a marketing executive and mother of two who said she never feels like she lives in the present. When she is at work, she is thinking about her kids and home. When she is at home, she is thinking about work. I told her I could sort this out for her right away. The solution: stop doing that. The one thing we do have some control over is our thoughts. I know that sounds overly simplistic, but it really is that simple. If you are at work and catch yourself thinking about the kids, stop, remind yourself that this is your work time and get back to work. Ditto for home. It is usually mother’s guilt that is the source and this guilt serves no purpose.

All working mothers and fathers have to make a choice about how much time they want to spend working, and how much time they want to spend with their children. There is no one right or best answer. I’ve seen Type A driven executive women who thought they would hire a full-time nanny and return to work do a 180 when they have children and decide to be full-time mothers. I’ve seen women who were keen to stay at home decide they were bored out of their minds and needed to get back into the workforce for their own sanity.

My own solution is to work three days a week. For the moment, that feels like the right balance. When I go to work, I really focus 100% on work and when I’m at home with the kids, I focus on the kids. I’ve also found really good child-care so that I can leave the children, knowing they are in excellent hands. If you don’t feel your child-care is adequate, then naturally, you will worry. If you feel generally guilty, then re-examine your choices. Are you not happy with the amount of time you spend at home or at work? What can you do about it? Would you feel better if you had better child-care? Once you’ve made your decision, then you can banish the guilt and be 100% present. While you might be able to function at work without being 100% present, you cannot do this at home. Your children will know immediately if you are present or not so there is no escaping this one! This applies equally to fathers, by the way.

All the best,
Talane