Talane’s Blog of the Week, July 3, 2006

On Happiness…

Studies have shown that people who feel more successful than their friends are happier than people who feel less successful. That made me laugh—maybe all you need for happiness is poorer friends! The Dalai Lama says most people base their happiness on comparisons to others. A study evaluated lottery winners and the impact winning had on their lives. The same researchers also studied another group—paraplegics. The study revealed that six months after winning the lottery or becoming a paraplegic, both groups had the same level of happiness. So winning the lottery will make you just about as happy as becoming a paraplegic.* I stopped buying lottery tickets. Why buy a ticket if all you need to do is jump in front of a bus? (I’m not jumping in front of any buses either!)

Here’s a much more useful assignment: First, write down everything you would buy, do, have or be if you did win the lottery. What changes would you make in your life? What would you do differently? Then, make those changes now, in whatever small ways you can. You may not be able to buy a Maseratti, but you could test drive one now. If you’d quit your job, start looking for work you’d enjoy if you didn’t have to work. This is the new retirement. After lying on the beach or playing golf, most retirees start scouting around for something more fulfilling, challenging and rewarding to do. They might not want to work 40-60 hours, but most want to do something other than loll around. If you already do work you love, congratulations! You’ve effectively retired early. If you won the lottery, would you hire a housekeeper or a cook? You might find that you can afford these luxuries now, even just once a month to start. Most of the things people think they want don’t require as much money as you might think. Sometimes, you just need to look at how you are spending your money. Is it making you as happy as possible?

One of my clients, with a $500,000 house, realized she didn’t actually want the house which cost $3,500 a month to maintain. Instead, she’d rather live in a beautiful apartment with a pool and yard that requires no maintenance, is within walking distance of her daughter’s school and costs $1,000 a month. She realized she would rather have the extra money to take a trip to Disney World and travel abroad. Is your lifestyle what you really want, or are you trying to keep up with your friends? After all, it really is rather silly to base your happiness on what someone else’s life looks like.

The other thing that mystifies me is why people think they should be happy if they aren’t doing anything on a daily basis that makes them happy. If you are in a job you don’t like or a relationship that brings you down, why would you expect happiness? If you aren’t doing anything that brings you joy (dancing, playing soccer, painting, dining with friends, etc.) why should you expect to be happy? Structure your life so you are doing something every single day to make you happy. It doesn’t have to be big stuff. One client sits on her porch with a cup of tea, looking at her beautiful garden and writing in her journal every morning.

Are you working to support a lifestyle? Is it worth it? Make your lottery list and take a close look at your spending. How much joy do you get from every dollar?

Enjoy!
Talane